Diving Into the Waves

I love analogies.  Finding different ways to describe and define things help my mind find clarity in the natural chaos of life.  However, if you’ve never been to the beach this analogy won’t make any sense to you and I apologize.

I’ve decided the title of this non book I am writing will be “Diving into the Wave: Our Travels through Dementialand”.  If you’ve ever planted your feet in the sand less than knee deep where the beach meets the ocean you may know where this is going.  No matter how hard you try you just can’t stay balanced.  Sometimes it’s a subtle shifting of the sand being swept away under your feet from the coming and going of the tide.  Sometimes it a big unexpected wave coming at you with way more force than you expected.  Sometimes it a hidden undertow.  Regardless of what creates the problem, the result is the same.  You can get knocked on your butt.  You get up thinking you know what’s coming and how to stabilize yourself or be tougher but you are fighting forces way more powerful than your will and logic.  If you are the support system and caregiver for someone you love with dementia, Alzheimer’s or other cognitive disorders I wonder if this sounds familiar to your experience?

Just like my times at the beach, I eventually understood that no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stand strong.  I had to wade in deeper, relax a little and “go with the flow”. I am strong willed but was trying to fight a battle against an ocean I can’t win.  Instead if I dive in and get to the other side of the crashing waves I can float and gain more perspective and yes, some peace and joy.  I hope as you are reading this you can float along with me and feel the sun on your face.  It isn’t easy to get there and there are still hazards you have to be aware of but focus on diving in deeper.  Don’t retreat to the beach and bury yourself in the sand.  My first tidbit of experience to share is to find your sunny moments and cherish them.  And as you get knocked around and even crash on that beach from time to time, learn to laugh at yourself when you realize what a spectacle you’ve become (even when your swimsuit is shifted by the crash exposing body parts you intended to keep private - that MAY have actually happened-no analogy).

By the way, G3 is genetically a fair skinned redhead (before age and six children toughened up her outer shell) so she avoided the outdoors and the sun.  It’s one of life’s little ironies that I should now describe her as my ocean.  If you follow along with me you’ll find more analogies along this journey.  I hope they can help you find perspective and reflection of your own.  😎

🎶 The Circle of Life

Sing along with me; I know you've all seen The Lion King and the tune is now playing in your head.  First let me say I can't believe six more years have sped by since I last posted anything but there it is.  Our transitional retirement years initially were filled with playtime, travel, and letting it be all about us for the most part.  We have also done some volunteering, some substitute teaching, and some foster parenting so we weren't quite as self absorbed and selfish as it sounds but all in all we were pretty free of any true responsibilities.

Additionally, in those six years we've been gifted with 5 grandkids so have acquired some new skills and entertainment.  No one told me that watching our children parent would be the best spectator sport ever!  And I'm thrilled that they seem to be getting the chance to raise themselves.  When one calls to tell me about those strong willed little ones it always brings me joy and a smile.  I love how our relationships continue to evolve and grow now that they have a parental perspective.

But now comes that circle.  In my role as a building administrator I once told a group of teachers that the only constant in education is change.  As it turns out, that is true not only in education.  Donnie and I acquired one more new role in life; caretaker.  Shortly after I stopped writing  this blog my mom (also known now as Great Grandma Georgia or G3 for short) was diagnosed in the initial stage of dementia.  These years have brought us new challenges and learning opportunities that I was not prepared for.

I have decided that I will be reviving this blog to share and air a very different Going Thru the Change portion of our lives.  I hope that it will be conversation for others who are finding themselves "parenting the parents" and I know that writing will allow me to clear my head.  Thanks in advance for going on this journey with me.