Diving Into the Waves

I love analogies.  Finding different ways to describe and define things help my mind find clarity in the natural chaos of life.  However, if you’ve never been to the beach this analogy won’t make any sense to you and I apologize.

I’ve decided the title of this non book I am writing will be “Diving into the Wave: Our Travels through Dementialand”.  If you’ve ever planted your feet in the sand less than knee deep where the beach meets the ocean you may know where this is going.  No matter how hard you try you just can’t stay balanced.  Sometimes it’s a subtle shifting of the sand being swept away under your feet from the coming and going of the tide.  Sometimes it a big unexpected wave coming at you with way more force than you expected.  Sometimes it a hidden undertow.  Regardless of what creates the problem, the result is the same.  You can get knocked on your butt.  You get up thinking you know what’s coming and how to stabilize yourself or be tougher but you are fighting forces way more powerful than your will and logic.  If you are the support system and caregiver for someone you love with dementia, Alzheimer’s or other cognitive disorders I wonder if this sounds familiar to your experience?

Just like my times at the beach, I eventually understood that no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stand strong.  I had to wade in deeper, relax a little and “go with the flow”. I am strong willed but was trying to fight a battle against an ocean I can’t win.  Instead if I dive in and get to the other side of the crashing waves I can float and gain more perspective and yes, some peace and joy.  I hope as you are reading this you can float along with me and feel the sun on your face.  It isn’t easy to get there and there are still hazards you have to be aware of but focus on diving in deeper.  Don’t retreat to the beach and bury yourself in the sand.  My first tidbit of experience to share is to find your sunny moments and cherish them.  And as you get knocked around and even crash on that beach from time to time, learn to laugh at yourself when you realize what a spectacle you’ve become (even when your swimsuit is shifted by the crash exposing body parts you intended to keep private - that MAY have actually happened-no analogy).

By the way, G3 is genetically a fair skinned redhead (before age and six children toughened up her outer shell) so she avoided the outdoors and the sun.  It’s one of life’s little ironies that I should now describe her as my ocean.  If you follow along with me you’ll find more analogies along this journey.  I hope they can help you find perspective and reflection of your own.  😎

🎶 The Circle of Life

Sing along with me; I know you've all seen The Lion King and the tune is now playing in your head.  First let me say I can't believe six more years have sped by since I last posted anything but there it is.  Our transitional retirement years initially were filled with playtime, travel, and letting it be all about us for the most part.  We have also done some volunteering, some substitute teaching, and some foster parenting so we weren't quite as self absorbed and selfish as it sounds but all in all we were pretty free of any true responsibilities.

Additionally, in those six years we've been gifted with 5 grandkids so have acquired some new skills and entertainment.  No one told me that watching our children parent would be the best spectator sport ever!  And I'm thrilled that they seem to be getting the chance to raise themselves.  When one calls to tell me about those strong willed little ones it always brings me joy and a smile.  I love how our relationships continue to evolve and grow now that they have a parental perspective.

But now comes that circle.  In my role as a building administrator I once told a group of teachers that the only constant in education is change.  As it turns out, that is true not only in education.  Donnie and I acquired one more new role in life; caretaker.  Shortly after I stopped writing  this blog my mom (also known now as Great Grandma Georgia or G3 for short) was diagnosed in the initial stage of dementia.  These years have brought us new challenges and learning opportunities that I was not prepared for.

I have decided that I will be reviving this blog to share and air a very different Going Thru the Change portion of our lives.  I hope that it will be conversation for others who are finding themselves "parenting the parents" and I know that writing will allow me to clear my head.  Thanks in advance for going on this journey with me.

The Year of Living Selfishly

When I started this blog a year ago the intent was to chronical our journey from work into retirement mode and to set up a format to let friends and family vicariously take our retirement road trip with us. Mission accomplished! I stopped blogging after the trip was complete. In recent months I have had people tell me they wondered what we were doing now since I wasn't making it public. Just in case you think we slowed down and became boring Retirees, let me set the record straight. We stayed home for almost three weeks but then October rolled in, and in celebration of our anniversary and Donnie's birthday (which annually passed us by unnoticed because teachers/coaches don't have time for such things) combined with our new found freedom in the fall, we were off again. Donnie's joys are pretty simple - a new golf course and some scenery are all it requires to make him smile. I like to refresh my tan - ladies of leisure should ALWAYS have a tan. With that in mind, we grabbed my brother-in-law and sister-in-law who are always up for going somewhere and headed east. We spent 4 days amidst the color of the Smoky Mountains and 5 days in Myrtle Beach. Yep, within four months I got to dip my tootsies in the Gulf, the Pacific, and the Atlantic.





We made it back to good ol Missouri and stayed put for almost 4 weeks after that! We spent time going to some school activities that we could watch and not feel responsible for :). We had dinners and lunches with friends. We went to movies in the middle of the day (free popcorn Wednesdays). I still felt a little like an imposter when I was in public during the day; as if people were thinking why is someone your age not working?! It's funny to go to the grocery store on senior citizen day. Max (our youngest) turned 21 just before Thanksgiving giving us another reason to travel and celebrate. We took him on a trip to Aruba. I can see why it is called "the happy island" because we were very happy to be there. Powder white sand, amazing sunsets, gorgeous golf, a swim up pool bar: ah, what more can you ask for (although chicken nachos at the airport on Thanksgiving day instead of turkey was a little strange).





Back in Missouri for 2 weeks to shop and plan for Christmas and although our original plan was to be home for the entire month, another great thing about retirement is people know you have free time and you get invited to go! Our surrogate stepchild Chris had access to her boss's lavish condo is Aspen for a week and was glad to have travel company, and of course we were happy to oblige, so pack up.......





So, 2011 was one for the books. I can honestly say all that travel did exactly what it was supposed to do; gave us a strong breakaway from our old life at school. I certainly miss the kids and the other school people who had been my days and I love dropping in to see them, but we have no regrets of making the change. We went more than a little ridiculous with our budget (or lack thereof) but I have no regrets about that either, I told the kids to use our life insurance to pay off the credit card when we die because we aren't stopping. I don't honestly mean that but have loved making it all about us for a change. Just like all those running for office, I promise to be more fiscally responsible and conservative in 2012. I will check back in every so often to let you know that we are still out here somewhere, smiling! Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Settling In

Well we have been home sleeping in our own bed (and using our own private bathroom just steps from that bed, ah, luxury!) for just over a week now and the reality of retirement is starting to set in. We were able to spend most of the first week playing catch-up; with household chores, people we had been missing, finances needing to be attended, etc. What now?

We cleared things off the DVR watching more TV in the past week than we had seen in the past month and a half (funny we hadn't missed it much!). We cleaned the garage. We have gone through closets and bedrooms because amazingly it turned from summer to fall while we were away. What a tough transition that has been - I have been living in sandals except when we hiked and shorts except at night when it was too cold in our tent. Putting on jeans and real shoes was a shock to the system! I can't even imagine if I have to do heels and dress clothes again sometime.

I am trying hard not to feel like I need to "schedule" fun and activities for us. It was a real treat to live day to day like we did on our trip. But I also know that to spend time with others, especially those still working, we need to plan and put days / times on calendars. Part of this retirement transition will be to find a happy medium. But don't you worry about us :) We have several more trips coming up to look forward to! I just need to get used to some unstructured days at home without feeling like there must be a purpose or accomplishment for each of them (or dollars spent to entertain us). I will let you know how that goes and feel free to throw some ideas or suggestions our way.


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Mission Accomplished

Home Sweet Home! For those of you who have been with us since the inception of this adventure, you may remember the original mission was simply to hit the road as school got started so it didn't seem so strange that we weren't going back there. We made that happen. If you are considering retirement ("going-thru-the-change" as I titled this whole blog) I highly recommend you do something off the cuff and out of your normal routine and comfort zone to get you going. It doesn't have to be a massive road trip but I can tell you it has been a heck of a ride!

The next part of the mission was to do a honeymoon of sorts making sure we could survive all this new togetherness. Once again, "winning!". It was remarkable talking about our adventure and our day, and making new memories together (even as they already start to blend and overlap) and not talk about work, money, politics - we really tuned out and focused on living in the moment for the most part.

Somehow over the last school year, what started as a joking comment of "wouldn't it be fun to do our own amazing race and let other people tell us where to go" became real so in summary, here goes:

40 days
17 states
29 National Parks and National Monuments visited
12 major cities explored
Over 600 photos
Just under 12000 miles

Things we "shoulda" done:

Packed binoculars
Taken a "welcome to ...fill in state name here" photo each time we entered a new one so our photos would be divided that way
Packed a set of flannel sheets
Kept track of each individual National Park entry fee so we knew what we saved with our Annual Pass purchase


Things we did right:

Let others make choices and plans - we did and saw things we never would have without their participation.
Lived without a long term plan - increased our communication and working together skills
Cooked meals - we lost weight!
National Park Annual Pass
Gas Buddy app - saved as much as $.40 a gallon in places
This blog - to help us remember each day

Now, on to new adventures. I doubt that we'll do another six weeks any time soon (we have too many short trips coming in the next 6 months and a grand baby on the way) but we'll certainly be willing to throw gear in the back, hop in the truck and hit the road on a minute's notice when an idea or offer crops up. We already are talking about a ballparks tour next summer :)

Our next challenge will be settling in at home together (getting back on a tight budget and paying off the credit card-if it wasn't for gas this trip would have been REALLY inexpensive), continuing to eat right, getting in some good hikes when their isn't something brand new and "way cool" to entice us on, and finding our new roles in our rural community. I promise to drop in here every so often to let interested readers know how it all progresses. Thanks for reading and for following us as we explored and learned!

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In a Day

Our Oklahoma destination, chosen by Bonnie Powell, was Oklahoma City. In April 1889, with the land rush, the population went from nothing to over 10,000 in one day! In April of 1995, the city (and we as a nation in many respects) changed in one day. Our assigned mission was to visit the Oklahoma City National Monument.



The monument and adjoining museum are not there to remind us of the tragedy of the bombing. It does seek to focus on the outcome of violence as a response to discord, but mainly it is a testament to the resilience and humanitarianism of our people in the most difficult of times. We spent hours there because we simply couldn't walk on without reading each piece or viewing each photo and artifact.



I don't think I can truly describe what this visit meant. Those of you who know me know what a stoic I am. I don't often cry in public. I spent most of these hours with my hand clasped over my mouth trying to hold back the loud sobs that kept rising up. I was unsuccessful. But in the midst of the heartache and gut-retching feelings I knew I needed to be here. Standing outside in the shade of the survival tree, viewing the empty chairs for each victim including the little chairs for the children, seeing the list of survivors on the piece of wall still standing, and knowing how precious every moment in life is. Thank you Bonnie for making sure we understood.









We had a very quiet lunch in the Bricktown area and took a long walk beside the canal that runs through it. Guess what I found; another bronze sculpture set depicting the land rush! This one is still in process and will be added to for the next 4 years until it reaches a length longer than a football stadium. The Bricktown area is filled with restaurants and you can ride water taxis on the canal similar to a small version of San Antonio. Very cute.


Our next stop, after a driving tour of downtown, was out to the park area where several museums, the zoo, and the racetrack are located. Although the thoroughbred races aren't live until the evening, it is a huge place and they were using the jumbotron that broadcasts the races to show college football. It wasn't the Mizzou game - go figure. Must be because that game doesn't start until this evening. Why else would they NOT be showing Mizzou football in Oklahoma?



Now that we have completed our assigned missions and destinations, we are pointing the truck toward home. We went as far as Stillwater, Oklahoma to spend the night with Caryne and Greg Salyer. It was so great to see them in their home environment! We got an upclose tour of the OSU athletic facilities that Greg takes care of. Then we took a short driving tour of some of Stillwater including the drive thru liquor barn; too funny! And we enjoyed dinner and great conversation for the night. We offered up a toast to her siblings, the newlyweds, Crystal and Troy, who were having their Chicago reception this evening that we missed.






Tomorrow we head for Missouri!

Stats:

207 miles
Gas $41.60
Lunch $14.72
Museum $20
Dinner $58.15


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Friday Night Lights / Lightning

Well Gosh Dern-it! We could have slept in our tent last night; no rain after all and comfortable temperatures in the upper 60s. No matter, the campin' cabin in Abilene cost us a little more than a tent site but provided the longest night sleep I have had in years! Things really are bigger in Texas.

We packed up and headed to the big city for our missions from Lindsay Capobianco. We followed the interstate through Fort Worth, Arlington, and Dallas and arrived at the Park and Ride in Plano so we would be strategically located to catch a bus to our evening activity. We purchased our $4 day passes for the DART and hit the city of Dallas. (Have I told y'all how much I LOVE public transportation?!)

Our first assignment was lunch in Uptown Dallas. We hopped off the rail and onto the M-Line Trolley to get a look at Uptown. Lindsay's bud, aka The Texan, said the area has a great vibe and I needed to see how that compared to a Missouri vibe. He was dead-on. He also recommended Jake's Burgers for the best burger in Texas. He may have undersold it; it was possibly the best burger we've ever had! Top that with an excellent patio and you have a great lunch.



From there we were ready for our daily hike, city style, checking out the multiple suggested sites from Lindsay. We walked a few miles from Uptown to Downtown through the Dallas Arts district, past Dealy Plaza, the Grassy Knoll, and the Book Depository (we chose not to visit the 6th floor JFK museum - been there before and today was about being happy. That is still one of my earliest memories and such a sad one at that), and made our way past the Old Red Courthouse to Pioneer Cemetery. Low and behold I found another bronze settlers sculpture park. It is becoming my thing!









We caught the red line back to Plano and were set for our next assignment; the Plano BalloonFest! We haven't been to a balloon launch since the kids were young and I love the colors. I was so excited about the photo op, along with the skydivers, the balloon launch and glow, and the street dance. I was plumb parched so grabbed a nice strawberry lemonade, spread the blanket on the hill ready for the events to start and watched all the families around us including grandparents with their grandkids and couldn't help thinking about our future retirement adventures with AJ. The sky turned dark but not because of sunset. A storm brewed quickly and all events were cancelled. We caught a shuttle bus back to our truck just as the rain came. I hated not seeing the balloons but we had an excellent day in our Texas destination and appreciated all the suggestions from Lindsay and The Texan!

We decided to just start driving north until we were out of the rain, got too tired to keep going, or hit Oklahoma City (our next destination), whichever came first. As we drove through the heavy rain and lightning, we were seeing football stadium lights in all directions. We finally got right next to one and it is exactly as we had heard; HUGE fields, bigger than the high school it sat next to! Looking forward to an MCHS football game next Friday night. It may not be as grand, but there is something about high school football all the same.

We ended our night across the Oklahoma border at Lake Murray State Park. No rain right now but their is a chance of something cropping up. We could end this journey like we started, crawling in the truck in the middle of the night :)

Stats:

315 Miles
Gas $54.80
DART passes $8
Lunch $20
Festival $15
Dinner $8

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